Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Just for kicks

Tonight, for the first time, I felt my nephew kicking in my SIL's womb. This is not because it's early in the pregnancy (she's due any day) or because they live far away (about 15 minutes)... it's because the little booger likes to be VERY still whenever Aunt Cat (Aw-nt Cat, by the way, if anyone calls me "Ant" Cat I will slap them) tries to feel him. However, Aunt Cat finally got smart: I thought, what are aunts for? This is my first nephew/niece, so it's a question I've spent some time thinking about. I finally reached a logical conclusion: aunts are for spoiling babies rotten.

With my mission decided, I gave little Noah or Isaiah (official name pending), via his mommy, pizza from my very favorite pizzeria in the world. Ohh boy, after the second slice did he ever start dancing! I can finally see why the mother-to-be looks so sleepy when I put her in bed with me... he's playing soccer across her abdomen 24/7! I could see him moving without even touching her... just pushing and playing and rolling around. It was a pretty crazy experience for me, as I am a little naive on baby related issues.

I like to be open minded about "things", but I am so, so grateful that my brother found a woman who was brave enough and strong enough to keep this baby no matter what. This little one is going to find a whole lot of love when he ventures into the spotlight, and I can't help but wish that all of the littlest ones got a chance to find loving families. The news of my nephew was an unexpected but welcome blessing when it came earlier this year.

Someday, if I have my own family, I know it might not be prudent for me to have children the "old-fashioned" way (because of my health). If or when that time comes, I hope there will be a baby out there whose mother was just as brave, who might be willing to let me love her baby forever for her... just as much as my brother and sister-in-law love my nephew.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Droopy, the missing dwarf

As you know, when I'm not ranting about politics, I sometimes talk about the only other thing I talk about: Lyme disease. Today I'm just updating my reader(s) on my condition.

It has been a rough week. It began with a fever. Then I got a sore throat. Great, I thought, not only do I have a severe neurological disease, I have a COLD! But then I got double vision, which, last I checked, was not a usual cold symptom... more of a neurological disease symptom. Then my eyelid started drooping on one side. Then half of my mouth started. (The combination of the former two symptoms is known as Bell's palsy.) I started slurring and became a little confused. I thought the closet was trying to eat me, which made me both scared and surprisingly angry. I got a bad headache.

I realized that I have all the symptoms of encephalitis -- which isn't surprising, since I know I have Lyme encephalitis from some sweet nuclear scanning. What was weird was that these things came out of nowhere -- no medication changes, no routine changes, nothing. The only thing I can think of is stress or infection, but it's pretty unsettling (and inconvenient... the double vision seems to be making me nauseated. Well something is anyway.) I have been avoiding a herx because we are trying to get me to stop constantly having grand mal seizures, so there's no reason for a sudden change, and as anyone who knows Lyme knows, sudden is usually bad.

Anyway, I have a "phone date" with my doctor on Tuesday, and I am hopeful that he'll be able to explain this (and that I don't end up in the ER before then... BOOOO ERs!).

I'd also like to give a shout out to all my pimps and hoes who have been doing their best to keep me happy and sane since I've been here. Thanks for the calls, IMs, emails, visits to my bedside, care packages, mini-outings, and just in general putting up with me. You're good friends and I love you all!

White Flag

"I will go down with this ship,
I won't put my flag up and surrender."

Well Dido, you couldn't have said it better if you were Hank Williams Jr. Here in the land of politics, Democrats everywhere are declaring victory. I have not made a prediction, not once, about who will win this election -- that's not scientific, the only political scientist who does that is Larry Sabato, and he's a jackass.... unless he accepts me into his PhD program, but I digress. I'm sticking to my guns about that, but more importantly, I will never, ever abandon ship. I am NOT voting for the other guy, nor will I stay home on Election Day, declare it a lost cause, tell pollsters I changed my mind, or any other such nonsense. I think it's a shame when people see falling poll numbers and leap to the other side just because they want to say they voted for the guy who won. For the record, yes, that is a phenomenon that does happen every year, and people even answer the same survey immediately after they vote and after the votes are counted differently -- the first time honestly, the second time for the winner. Amazing, right? So to me, the poll numbers don't mean much right now and they shouldn't mean much to you either. Stay on board. The ship may sink, but you'll still have your integrity. In the words of another great rock sensation, Fall Out Boy:

"We're going down, down in an earlier round
But sugar we're going down swinging."

Also, check out this article. It seems that Charles Krauthammer may secretly have teen angst and/or be an emo kid, and no one knew... *see above lyrics*

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/23/AR2008102302867_pf.html

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Sleepless in Suffolk

So, I've been off the map for five days. After my BFF kitschen threatened to send a search party out for me today if I didn't get online, I decided to a) get online before she sent one (she doesn't mess around) and b) post a blog.

That's a lie. The Part B. I am blogging because I can't effing sleep. No sleep in two full days and the two days/nights before that I had fevers, seizures, and night terrors, so they weren't exactly peaceful either.

Those of you who read my blog for the Lymie-licious content know about insomnia. And chronic fatigue. And narcolepsy, cataplexy, and all the other swell sleep problems we (can) get with this disease (but I somehow have all of them, and also know other people who do, WTF). So you know when you're rolling up on half a week, no sleep you gotta call the LLMD (before you turn into a gangsta... what is with my vernacular in this post?). So, check, got an appointment with my man for sleep problems on Wednesday.

He has told me before that if I fail a few sleep treatments (which I think I now have... when we started there were already hardly any I hadn't failed) that we have one viable option left: Xyrem. Google it if you want to, it seems imprudent to link it here, but basically, it's... well, Google it if you want to. I think it might be more tightly controlled than ANY other medication I take. The worst thing is, you can't just get it at the local pharmacy, so it may take a while to get it in my hands while the doctor mails the Rx, the Rx company fights with the insurance company for coverage, etc. And I want sleep NOW. Yes, I have considered just chasing booze with pills but I have some weird horse like property that makes everything bounce off me. You Lymies know the one, it makes everything too strong or totally ineffective. It's craptastic.

So, here I am, rambling, at almost 5 AM, and wishing I could sleep without waking up screaming. I'm going to keep trying to achieve my goal, because I'm not a quitter. Also I have nothing else to do.

As far as everything else goes... well fuck if I know, I can't sleep! But I know not much has been going on in my life, aside from some vampire related stuff and I'm reading Mansfield Park again (Jane Austen's "most complex and most disliked novel" -- I disagree, Northanger Abbey really gave me the creeps, but to each literature snob her own). I had lobster and filet mignon for dinner but that's not really unusual (seriously, Italians eat well... we don't skimp on that part of the budget). I got a new BCBG cocktail dress for this awards dinner thing I have in New England next month... and I can't find my fountain pen. Also, I think the pipes in my bathroom have centipedes and they scare me.

So, that's the news from Suffolk. No sleep, vampires, lobster... not in any way related.

Buona notte... e sogni d'oro.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Long overdue!

I am terribly delinquent in updating my loyal reader(s). At least two friends have asked whether I am alive. The answer is, of course, mostly.

I have been working like crazy getting the house unpacked, cleaning, doing laundry, making lists, and doing a whole bunch of other things that seriously ill people are not supposed to do. So right now I'm strapped into my wheelchair (literally) in a neck brace, packing so I can leave tomorrow to spend one or two weeks at my dad's house.

I am bummed about this for a number of reasons.

First, Phil. I love him, I don't like being away from him, and it's harder than I can explain, especially with being ill.

Next, friends, friends, and oh wait, did I mention friends?
1) I got to see my dear friend Liz, and she helped me bust some serious ass in the cleaning department around the apartment.
2) All of my busting ass this week resulted in Phil and I finally being able to entertain. We got to see two old friends (not on the same night) who each brought over their own old friends (new to us). We had a really great time with all of them, and it felt good to play hostess.
3) In a delightful surprise, I got a chance to get to know some of the girls in Phil's section a little better last week. I had a great time dancing, drinking, talking, and just hanging out with them.
4) The same night, I also hung out with some of the guys in the section. As always, I was impressed by how polite they were, and even more impressed by how well they could carry on an intelligent conversation while drunk. It's a rare gift.

The final reason I'm bummed (well, the final one I'm going to post right now) is that I just got everything unpacked, tidy, and comfortable/easy to live in... and now I have to leave it. Inevitably, when I get back, it will be a mess. Maybe I'm wrong... but I sincerely doubt it. Sigh.

Anyway, that's it for now -- just wanted to let everyone know that I'll be hard to reach for the next few days while I settle in down at dad's house... and I'm going to miss everyone here at school, but I'll be back very soon, so you can go ahead and start planning my welcome home party now, okay?

Much love to all...

Monday, October 6, 2008

It's funny because it's true...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgPHPxQWI_Y

It may be highly endemic for Lyme, but I still rep the Cape with pride.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Cold called

Last night, in a room full of some of the brightest minds in the country -- future attorneys at a top ten law school -- I was, for the first time ever, cold called by a law professor. Actually, it was by two law professors and one law professor's wife.

Mainly it was just friendly banter (ordinarily I'd just refer to it as conversation, but I'm not sure lawyers do that exactly), though I did have to give a "fun fact" about myself in front of the whole room! I admit that the topic I chose was not law, precisely, but it was politics -- and I had done my reading ahead of time, so I knew what I was getting into before I opened my mouth, and I did it anyway.

I have to say, it was sort of a thrilling experience. True, I have a new and deep fear of what being a 1L would be like if I went down that road (they expect you to actually answer the question and they NOTICE if you don't!), but I was genuinely impressed by the kindness, intellect, and overall excellence surrounding me... even if I did wake up sweating in the middle of the night afterward thinking "oh no, what if I didn't do well enough!?"... and I'm not even being graded.

Yes, there were some tough questions, such as when I had to explain WHY I'm a Republican (the bf's LRW professor pinned me pretty effectively, though I thought I answered her well enough), and I did accidentally spend longer than I intended to talking to our host -- a professor of criminal law who shares one of my health complications (big no-no, I should have mingled so that I wouldn't monopolize his time), but he was very kind, interesting, informative, and gave me a ray of hope that even if I don't recover my vision, I can still do whatever I want with my life.

I also appreciated how many of my boyfriend's section-mates went out of their way to acknowledge me. They are all really good people. They probably all think I'm insane (which, of course, is true), but seeing them all last night was a lot of fun.

As an undergrad, my college's informal motto was "At Mary Baldwin, we work hard AND we play hard!" It was repeated often by our former president and all of my classmates. Here in Charlottesville, no one says it because they don't have to: they live it.

I raise my glass to all the delights of last night's gathering: to great professors, great minds, and great hearts.

She might have a career playing for the Dodgers if we lose this election...

Yet Gov. Sarah Palin did, truly, hold her own in last night's one and only VP debate. Sure, they both deflected, and she did a bit more than Biden did -- but any politician worth her/his salt (or any of us who have stumped on behalf of a candidate -- like me, for instance) knows how to do that. In the age of CNN, MSNBC, blogs, video trackers (macaca, anyone?), and all that jazz, it is better to dodge a question than to create a hideous and bloody sound byte that will replay over and over and over. This is simply something that any decent political consultant should accept as fact. They pay us to tell them how to win. We tell them that if they don't know or have a tough time speaking off the cuff that they should try to avoid it -- change the subject to what YOU want to talk about, forget the question, and hope most viewers didn't mind, liked what you said, or were able to determine the message of your campaign. It's that simple.

*****

The Wall Street woes have been an October surprise to remember (and I always love to tune in the Thursday before Election Day to see if anyone drops a bomb to see if the other side can manage to scramble and respond), but we're holding up OK. Barack Obama is a compelling, intruiging candidate. He's just also a bleeding heart liberal. His voting record is 99% liberal. That's all I need to know as a pragmatic voter. He has not changed anything during his brief tenure in the US Senate. He has towed the party line consistently. Why would I believe that he will bring something different to the White House? Or, in a better question... why would you?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Not to sound conceited...

But if there's one thing I'm certain of, it's that we're better off with John McCain and Sarah Palin in the WH in the midst of ANY crisis than we would be under the leadership of a US Senator with hardly any experience in federal government and NO executive experience at all.

To elaborate, anyone who has studied the "path to power" knows that governors, not senators, are traditionally the best elected officials (and are most electable) thanks to their executive experience. This year, we don't have the option of voting for a governor for President, but there is ONE governor on the VP ticket and ONE senator on the top ticket who has the experience necessary to possibly navigate the very different waters of leading instead of legislating.

If anyone wants to listen to me lecture in a mostly non-partisan fashion (I can argue both sides of the point almost as well as my beloved college advisor and dear friend LvA, and as calmly as my boyfriend on most days), I will be happy to spell it out for you. I'm not naturally pushy unless I'm being paid to be (in which case I'm kinda like a pitbull with lipstick -- ask any of my former bosses -- I play to win), but I'm NOT being paid in this election cycle -- I just am in terror of what might happen to this country (which I love with ALL of my heart) under the leadership of a man with so little experience -- yes Barack Obama is like JFK in many ways with his charm and youth and delightful rhetoric -- but does no one remember the Bay of Pigs? JFK wasn't a great president, friends -- he was handsome and sexy and even I swoon listening to his old speeches, but he was too young, too unseasoned, and when a foreign policy crisis presented, he botched it. We live in the age of post-9/11. We cannot afford a single mistake.

I know some people (okay, most) want us out of Iraq, but a troop surge followed by a slow withdrawal is standard when you dismantle a hostile government and replace it with a democracy (think Japan, post WWII). This isn't anything unusual.

Yes, there have been casualties and life altering injuries as a result of our presence in Iraq (even though we do WIN every skirmish with terrorists)-- I've seen these people, sometimes still in their hospital beds, just back from Iraq. I've cut their steak for them at dinner because they lost a hand in Iraq. I've danced with them when the dance floor was empty because it made them smile, though they could barely walk. I've had countless mothers cry on my shoulder and thank me for MY service, my little, insignificant contributions to my nation. I've spoken to wives of men who fought in Vietnam and came back with PTSD that was so severe that they could never hug their children. But you know what? Not a single one of these brave people ever complained. That's more than I can say for myself. Freedom isn't free. It's frightening and shocking and terrible what we have to do to defend ourselves sometimes. I don't care why we went into Iraq. So what if it was bad information? Do we now leave those people before their government is totally stable? Do we risk losing a potential ally and turning it into a terrorist state? I'm not a graduate of the War College. I know it's beyond me to implement a time-line for withdrawing our forces. You know who else doesn't have any experience in this area? BARACK OBAMA. You know who does? JOHN MCCAIN.

Vote blue during times of peace and prosperity, if it floats your rosy boat. But for now, we're in crisis mode, and we don't need change, we need experience. RED alert, friends, RED alert.

Also, for the record, I would have considered voting for Hillary (51% of the country has NEVER had descriptive -- or for that matter, true substantive -- representation in the Oval Office), but Hillary didn't make the top of the ticket... or even runner up (Veep). I'm not a right-wing lunatic. I'm a highly educated person who will NOT just jump on a bandwagon because the rhetoric is good. I look at the voting record. I look at the candidate. I look at the state of the nation and I try not to point fingers, but instead to think of who will be best equipped to fix/maintain our status.

For what it's worth, I'm also a national award winning essayist on the topic of what it means to live in a democracy, where everyone has the right to cast a vote. I want you all to vote, even if you disagree with me -- I just want to make sure you understand what you're doing. This is a BIG deal, and if you don't have a deep and extensive understanding of foreign policy, American government, politcal behavior, and economics (especially those specific to our type of free market -- meaning that if you know anything about this you know our free market is only about 50% free), you might be setting up your tent in the wrong camp.

I won't lie: It would be rare for me not to vote Republican, because I'm a fiscal conservative and a social libertarian (keep your hands off my money, ovaries, and 38 special, and you've got my vote -- and I'm more willing to let you control my ovaries than my money).

*****

McCain - Palin, 2008: because it's the only shot we have at keeping our nation safe from terrorist attacks, cleaning up this financial crisis, and putting COUNTRY FIRST.

KEEP VIRGINIA RED!


*****

Ed. Note: I have a distinguished degree in Political Science, with an emphasis in American Government and a research emphasis in women and political behavior. I was accepted to be a PhD. candidate in my field of expertise and I still hope to take my place ASAP. I also have a strong foreign policy background, having worked for Lt. Col. Oliver North, and through my collegiate coursework. Additionally, I have economic experience -- again, both through my career (yes, I have worked in banking, too), my connections, and my classes.

I'd suggest writing in MY name for president, but I'm under 35 and I don't have Tina Fey glasses.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Please watch this...

You need to know this BEFORE you vote. Rule number one: let free markets be free -- you'll never guess who strangled them to begin with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASvqtD6g8PU

Making an exit

Some people like to make dramatic entrances by arriving late to parties. I think I prefer dramatic exits coupled with leaving parties early.

I was fortunate enough to be able to get out of bed, put on a fall sundress (meaning it was just a regular sundress but navy blue instead of garish pink), and attend a horse race on Sunday. Unfortunately, the weather was hot and sunny (the forecast was for rain and chilly dampness, which does not fall under the heading of "things that make Cat have a seizure"). After 1 drink and far less mingling than the amount of effort that I had put into the day was worth, we found ourselves calling a taxi to take us home.

However, before the taxi could arrive, a nice police officer came over and asked if we needed help. I asked if I could sit down somewhere while we waited for our taxi and added that my ankles had recently begun to resemble tree trunks (in hopes that this would win me a lawn chair or something). I didn't get a lawn chair, but I did get an exam from a paramedic who was very insistent on taking me to the hospital -- via "free ambulance taxi".

Clearly, since I'm blogging, I was treated and released, so don't get worried or anything. I am mainly recording this in case anyone saw me. I wasn't drunk, I didn't die, you know, nothing terrible, just every single one of the things that trigger my seizures all present in one place (it happens more often than you might think, actually).

I will post more news tomorrow (if I remember to... my memory is non-existent lately)... I just wanted to publish a disclaimer ASAP.